Ill-fated or Our Parents’ Decisions

    On our first day in new house, our neighbour payed her visit to greet us. Asking my mother how many children she is having, my mother said 6. After a week on her second visit she showed her grievance that my mother lied to her by telling she has 6 children while she has seen only one so far. The women in her discussion that day revealed a fact that how in her village “bachi” (children) are counted as their male children only.

    Our parents are very good to blame our fate for their wrong decisions and unequal treatment.

    Never ever they wish to have a girl baby as their first child and when the second child is a girl the news is spread quickly as bad news.

    “How many daughters you have? 2, ohh and son? 1, thank God you have a son and may ALLAH gift you with one more as if one son will not wash away the curse of two daughters, you need one more.”

    That’s how women are more in number in Pakistan, Thanks to those who wish for male child but they don’t know we are more up there!

    When they have a son, they will carefully choose an institute for them to groom him as a gentleman or may be man enough. Then they see whether the son has potential to do his own job/business or work. If not then parents would offer their property and savings to help him standing up on his own feet as they see his future heir. Having all these efforts done, the son will be ready to chose his bride where mother would not leave a single girl unscanned for his successful spoiled son. Then all the expectations and hopes from making their son’s house goes in the court of newly wed bride. Who has the story of being born as a women of this society.

    On the other hand, Daughter are taught all the chores to make a house heaven and no chore to make her own life easy. Any school will be good, nearest to home, girls only with calculated fee, because poor parents are middle class. She should then chose the easiest degree to carry out the house chores and also to learn some skills like stitching and impressing the proposal wali aunties. Or should choose medicine to study yet to be impressive with cooking, stitching, washing, cleaning and baking would be given higher consideration.

    Then somehow when parents find a good guy then why does she even need to study and spend her parents money. She would be married off to that guy who is desperately in need of a servant to take care of him because mother is weakto carry the whole house chores. Well that girl perfectly trained by parents is ready. After some years when the marriage somehow turn out to be a failure then the girl has bad fate.

    But she has to die in that husband house as her mother did.

    When the bad planning of parents are ever dared to be questions that burden would be shifted to society where they cannot answer everyone why their daughter is studying, working and not getting married.

    Tahira Kaleem
    Tahira Kaleem is CEO of Enlight Lab and CoFounder of Women's Avenue.

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