An open letter to all the married women!

    I am turning 30 this year and am unmarried but without a complain I am happy as I am blessed abundantly. I am blessed with good health, a decent life and handful of loved ones. So, I see no point in complaining about being unmarried. I am unmarried and that’s just my marital status. But in no way should it be considered as a merit that I have failed to achieve in life. As I may get married someday or I may not. Isn’t that or shouldn’t that be my choice, and mine alone? Why is it that you always complain about me not getting married or feel pity that I should have gotten married by now? It is true that am unmarried yet but look how far I have come. At this age, I have had the best education, a good career and a house to live on my own. Isn’t that what you s hould be appreciating? I don’t feel abnormal at all. Yes, am turning 30 but am still pretty much eligible to get married and will be hereafter. I can bear children as my menstruation hasn’t stopped yet. And even if I were married at the standard 25th year, I may have never had children as that’s something God decides to provide. So please don’t give me this argument that I am ageing, and my biological clock is ticking. As a matter of fact, everyone’s is. Why do you make comparisons? Did God define any milestones to be achieved by a certain age? Look at Arfa Kareem, the youngest Microsoft certified professional. Well she had to have that accolade at that young age because her time on earth was so limited. Now by looking at that, should everyone start idealising to be a Microsoft certified professional by the age of 9 or so?

    My point being, everyone has their own timeline to follow. If you understand what marriage is, then you would know that it is nothing more than just another phase of life. As we grow up we go through different stages in life, don’t we? And so when the big day comes, that only means that you have now entered another stage in life and that’s about it. Marriage by no means define your success. However, a lasting marriage is what should be aimed for. But to see that, you will have to turn 60 or so to look back and cherish the good and bad days spent together; or perhaps be able to manage no divorce. Can you guarantee me that your marriage will last happily until your last breath? I know some of you have domestic issues. Perhaps your better half is not kind enough, or perhaps they aren’t making enough money to fulfil all your desires. Some of you are struggling with their mothers in law while some others are facing issues with their children. To me, that’s all normal, it’s all a part of life. And trust me I don’t pity you for any of those troubles that you are going through in your MARRIED lives. Why should I when I know that life is such, it is never too smooth and to make it a lasting marriage, one has to live through such times. But then why don’t you understand that I am an individual and as a matter of fact a strong, independent woman who has similar problems in her life (excluding a husband, children and mother in law). I go to work and face peer pressure and sometimes my boss grinds me for a mistake that I haven’t even made. Sometimes I don’t have enough money to buy all the groceries and to have decent meals thrice a day. Sometimes I window shop and think ‘someday I am gonna get that dress/shoes/bags etc.’ On days my car breaks down and I fix it by myself. Sometimes I wake up anxious thinking about my younger siblings. There are days when I weep alone in my room not because am unmarried but because there is something else hurting me and I cry myself to sleep.

    Can you not relate to all these problems? Aren’t they somehow a part of your daily lives too? I bet they are. Then how come you feel superior to me? How come you have the balls to say ‘Ah! she is unmarried, poor soul. She should get married soon’. No, you don’t have the right to pity me. Some of you are quite understanding and have always appreciated my achievements in life but some of you made it to a point that I stopped attending social gatherings and I started feeling that not being married means that am not a part of this society. Please don’t say that you have a genuine concern for me because you don’t come running to nurse me when I fall sick or to feed me when I run out of money. So your concern is the least genuine of all regarding my marriage too.

    I have always admired, fancied and revered the institution of marriage but I have also always known that to marry is to allow someone you admire to be a part of your inner circle and not to ‘make you whole’. So, the fact that I am unmarried doesn’t mean that I am incomplete. I am, by all means a complete individual. The day I get married, it will be with the one whom I can allow to be a part of my inner circle. The one with whom I feel a better person, not complete. So my dear married women, please stop telling us that we should feel awful at being unmarried. We are doing great with whatever God has blessed us with and trust me, whoever gets to marry THE OVER AGED 30 PLUS WOMEN like myself, will be one hell of a lucky man.

    A single yet content turning 30 Woman.

    Farah Samuel
    Environment and Social Development Expert, Freelance Consultant

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